Grandmother Goes to California!

I wrote this the other night right after I said goodbye to Grandmother and couldn't bring myself to put it up quite yet, I just wanted to get my words right...right now, she and my mom are driving across the country. Please pray for their safe travel.


So, my Grandmother is moving to California....and it's hurting my heart. For those of you who don't know, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's earlier this year, and it was a shock to my system...and that of our whole family. My dads father, my Poppo, has suffered with this horrible disease for a long time, and the very thought of watching two of my grandparents struggle through it at the same time is overwhelming. Anyway, she had moved here to Tulsa last summer to be closer to Mom and by default me, my family and my sister. I was so overjoyed to have her near...the thought of having her close so that my boys could know her better and... experience her was so cool to me. But due to circumstances beyond anyones control, she is moving. I've tried and tried to put my feeling for her into words, but I just cant...I'll try and describe. She can be difficult and frustrating at times, but my thought of her is overwhelmingly that of comfort. When I got pregnant at the age of 16, besides my parents, I was most frightened to tell her...I was so scared of seeing the disappointment in her eyes. But never did I see that...I just got a huge hug and lots of prayers. And that is the way it has always been with her...she'll put her soft hands on mine, and tell me how much she loves me. That's another thing I love about her....her hands and her hugs...again, the comfort thing. She has always been this *force* in my life, one of the few that when I went through that trial (teenage pregnancy) (besides my immediate family and very few friends) stood by me unwaveringly. And that she will not be just a car ride away, weather that be 4 hours of 4 minutes is almost too much for me to bear. Watching her with my kids has been such a joy...they love her to pieces, and the feeling is mutual. So, I'm trying to focus on what we got to have, and not be so sad. But being more cognizant of what happens with this disease (again, watching it with Poppo) has made me all that much more aware of the time I spend with her, trying to absorb every minute I can. But when my kids hugged her goodbye tonight, and I knew in all reality that would probably be the last time they saw her, it nearly broke my heart in half. And when I was soaking up that last hug...all I could think was I wonder if the next time I hug her she'll remember me...its devastating. It breaks my heart...but I'm so grateful that I have her. I have asked myself over and over...have I done enough? Have I spent enough time with her? I always thought I was happy with what I had done..but my answer is no, its never enough. But now, I'll have a new pen pal :). Love your grandparents while you have the chance...they could be gone before you know it.